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By douglas hauptman December 25, 2024
When someone consistently accuses their spouse of infidelity despite no recent or real evidence of cheating, we're often looking at a complex psychological framework built on deep-seated insecurities and past wounds. Let's examine the psychological makeup of such an accuser. At the core of these accusations lies an intricate web of attachment issues, typically rooted in childhood experiences. The accuser often grew up in an environment where trust was broken repeatedly – perhaps by witnessing parental infidelity, experiencing abandonment, or dealing with unreliable caregivers. These early experiences created a template for future relationships: expect betrayal before it happens. The brain of a chronic accuser operates on high alert, similar to someone with post-traumatic stress disorder. Every late night at work, every friendly conversation with a colleague, every slight delay in responding to texts becomes potential evidence of infidelity. This hypervigilance stems from an overactive threat-detection system, where the brain has learned to scan constantly for signs of abandonment or betrayal. Interestingly, these accusations often serve as a self-protective mechanism. By maintaining a state of suspicion, the accuser creates an emotional shield – if they expect betrayal, they believe they can't be caught off guard by it. This defensive posture might feel safer than vulnerability, but it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy: their behavior pushes away the very person they're desperate to keep close. The accuser's thinking patterns typically show several cognitive distortions. They engage in black-and-white thinking, where small actions are categorized as either absolute loyalty or complete betrayal, with no middle ground. They also demonstrate mind reading, assuming they know their partner's thoughts and motivations without evidence. Confirmation bias plays a significant role – they seek out information that confirms their suspicions while dismissing evidence of faithfulness. Below this surface behavior often lurks profound self-esteem issues. The constant accusations might really be saying, "I don't believe I'm worthy of faithful love." This self-doubt can manifest as projection – if they have thoughts about infidelity or struggle with loyalty themselves, they might project these feelings onto their partner, finding it easier to locate these threatening feelings in someone else rather than confronting them within themselves. The accuser's relationship history typically shows a pattern of turbulent connections. Previous relationships likely ended due to similar trust issues, yet they often blame these failures entirely on their former partners. This pattern reveals an inability to engage in healthy self-reflection or take responsibility for their role in relationship dynamics. Control becomes a central theme in their behavioral repertoire. The accusations serve as a tool for controlling their partner's behavior – where they go, who they talk to, how they spend their time. This control temporarily soothes their anxiety but ultimately creates a pressure cooker environment in the relationship. Perhaps most revealing is their response to reassurance. When their partner provides evidence of faithfulness or offers genuine reassurance, the accuser might experience temporary relief, but it's quickly replaced by new doubts. This pattern suggests that the real issue isn't about gathering enough evidence of loyalty – it's about an inability to trust even when evidence is abundant. The accuser's emotional landscape is dominated by fear, shame, and anger. Fear of abandonment drives their vigilance, shame about their insecurities fuels their defensive behavior, and anger – both at themselves and their partner – creates a constant state of emotional arousal that makes rational thinking difficult. Their communication style often involves subtle manipulation tactics: guilt-tripping, emotional withdrawal, or explosive confrontations. These behaviors serve to keep their partner off-balance and defensive, creating a dynamic where the partner constantly tries to prove their innocence rather than addressing the underlying trust issues. Without intervention, this pattern typically escalates. The accuser's behavior can become increasingly controlling and obsessive, sometimes leading to monitoring their partner's phone, following them, or demanding constant updates about their whereabouts. This surveillance behavior provides short-term relief but further damages the relationship's foundation. Recovery from this pattern requires deep therapeutic work. The accuser needs to confront their attachment wounds, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and learn to tolerate the inherent vulnerability that comes with loving someone. Until they address these core issues, they're likely to repeat this pattern, either in their current relationship or in future ones. The accused partner in this dynamic faces their own psychological challenges, often experiencing what psychologists term "walking on eggshells syndrome." This constant state of defensive alertness creates a profound shift in their personality and emotional well-being over time. Initially, many accused partners respond with patience and understanding, offering reassurance and transparency in an attempt to alleviate their partner's fears. They might freely share passwords, check in frequently, and adjust their social behaviors to avoid triggering accusations. However, this accommodation gradually erodes their sense of autonomy and personal boundaries. The psychological toll on the accused manifests in various ways. They often experience heightened anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Their mental energy becomes consumed by the need to document their whereabouts, explain innocent interactions, and defend against accusations, leading to cognitive exhaustion and decreased performance in other life areas. A particularly insidious effect is the phenomenon of "induced doubt," where the accused partner begins to question their own reality. The constant barrage of accusations can create a form of gaslighting effect – even though they know they're faithful, they start doubting their own behaviors and intentions. Did that friendly conversation with a coworker cross a line? Was that social media like inappropriate? This self-questioning can lead to a fragmentation of their identity and social withdrawal. The accused partner often develops their own maladaptive coping mechanisms. Some become hypervigilant about their own behavior, essentially internalizing their partner's surveillance. Others might react with increasing defensiveness or hostility, while some retreat into emotional numbness as a form of self-protection. These responses, while understandable, further deteriorate the relationship's emotional foundation. Perhaps most concerning is the gradual erosion of the accused partner's support system. Fearing their interactions might trigger accusations, they often distance themselves from friends and family, leading to social isolation. This withdrawal removes crucial external perspectives and emotional support, making it harder to maintain a balanced view of the situation or seek help when needed. The relationship itself becomes a complex system of mutual reinforcement, where both partners' coping mechanisms interact to create increasingly dysfunctional patterns. This dynamic often follows a predictable cycle that mental health professionals have termed the "accusation-defense spiral." In this spiral, the accuser's hypervigilance leads to questioning, which prompts defensive responses from their partner. These defensive responses, even when completely justified, often trigger more suspicion in the accuser's mind – "Why are they so defensive if they have nothing to hide?" This creates a feedback loop where each partner's natural responses intensify the other's problematic behaviors. The relationship gradually loses its capacity for joy and spontaneity. Simple pleasures like social gatherings, work events, or even casual conversations with others become potential minefields. The couple's emotional energy becomes so focused on managing accusations and defenses that little remains for nurturing the positive aspects of their connection. Breaking this cycle requires a multi-faceted therapeutic approach. Individual therapy for both partners is often essential – the accuser needs to address their underlying attachment trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms, while the accused partner requires support in rebuilding their sense of self and establishing healthy boundaries. Couples therapy can then serve as a bridge, helping both partners understand their roles in the dynamic and develop new patterns of interaction. Success in treatment often depends on both partners' willingness to examine their roles without becoming defensive. The accuser must confront the painful reality that their protective mechanisms are actually causing harm, while the accused partner needs to understand how their accommodating behaviors, though well-intentioned, may enable the dysfunction to continue. Recovery typically progresses through distinct stages. The first involves creating safety and stability, often through clear boundaries and communication guidelines. The second focuses on processing underlying traumas and developing new coping skills. The final stage involves rebuilding trust and intimacy, but with new awareness and healthier patterns of interaction. For some couples, this work leads to a stronger, more secure relationship. The process of addressing these issues can create deeper understanding and more authentic connection. However, others may discover that the healthiest path forward is separation, particularly if one partner is unwilling to engage in the necessary therapeutic work. Effective therapeutic intervention for accusatory relationship patterns requires a carefully structured approach combining multiple evidence-based techniques. Here's an examination of specific interventions that have shown promise in addressing these complex dynamics. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) serves as a foundational approach, particularly for the accusing partner. The therapist helps identify triggering situations and the automatic thoughts that follow – for instance, "My partner is working late again, they must be cheating." Through thought recording exercises, the accuser learns to recognize these cognitive distortions and develop more balanced interpretations. They might reframe the thought to, "Working late is a normal part of their job, and they've always been transparent about their schedule." Attachment-Based Therapy focuses on healing early wounds that fuel the accusatory behavior. This approach often employs the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI) to understand the accuser's attachment style and its origins. Therapeutic techniques might include inner child work, where the accuser dialogues with their younger self to address unmet needs and fears of abandonment. This process helps separate past trauma responses from present relationship dynamics. For the accused partner, Trauma-Focused Therapy often proves beneficial, as living under constant suspicion can create its own form of trauma. Techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) help process the emotional impact of chronic accusations and restore a sense of personal agency. Boundary-setting exercises and assertiveness training help rebuild their eroded sense of self. In couples work, the Gottman Method offers specific tools for rebuilding trust and communication. The "Stress-Reducing Conversation" technique creates a daily ritual where partners discuss their stresses without problem-solving, fostering empathy and connection. "State of the Union" meetings provide a structured format for addressing concerns without triggering defensive reactions. Mindfulness-based interventions help both partners develop awareness of their emotional triggers and physiological responses. The accuser learns to recognize the bodily sensations that precede accusatory thoughts, while the accused partner identifies signs of emotional overwhelm. Simple techniques like the "STOP" method (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed mindfully) help interrupt escalating cycles. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) techniques, adapted from anxiety treatment, can help the accusing partner tolerate uncertainty. Graduated exposure to trigger situations – like their partner attending social events alone – paired with prevention of checking behaviors, helps build distress tolerance. This work requires careful calibration and strong therapeutic support to avoid overwhelming either partner. Role-playing exercises in therapy allow couples to practice new communication patterns in a safe environment. The therapist might guide them through "accusation scenarios," teaching the accuser to express fears without making accusations, while the accused partner learns to respond with empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries. These exercises often incorporate "time-out" protocols for when emotions become too intense. Written exercises play a crucial role in the healing process. Therapeutic journaling helps both partners process their experiences outside of sessions. The accuser might maintain a "reality-testing log" documenting the gap between their fears and actual events, while the accused partner uses writing to reconnect with their authentic self and process suppressed emotions. Long-term maintenance of healthy relationship patterns requires vigilant attention to potential relapse triggers and the implementation of robust prevention strategies. This phase of recovery focuses on solidifying therapeutic gains while preparing couples for future challenges. The foundation of successful maintenance lies in what therapists call the "Early Warning System." Both partners learn to identify subtle signs that old patterns are re-emerging. For the accusing partner, these might include increased checking behaviors, intrusive thoughts about infidelity, or physical symptoms of anxiety. The accused partner might notice themselves beginning to self-censor or experiencing renewed hypervigilance about their actions. Successful couples develop personalized "Relationship Maintenance Plans" that outline specific strategies for different risk levels. These plans typically include: Level 1 (Daily Maintenance): Regular check-ins using structured communication techniques Consistent practice of mindfulness exercises Maintaining separate interests and healthy boundaries Ongoing journaling to track emotional patterns Regular engagement in shared positive activities Level 2 (Yellow Flags): Implementation of time-out protocols when tensions rise Increased use of cognitive restructuring techniques Return to basic grounding exercises Activation of support networks Review of therapy notes and coping strategies Level 3 (Red Flags): Immediate contact with their therapist Return to more intensive therapeutic support Implementation of crisis communication protocols Temporary return to structured interaction guidelines Increased frequency of support group attendance A crucial aspect of maintenance involves "Stress Inoculation Training," where couples deliberately expose themselves to mild triggering situations under controlled conditions. This might include practicing healthy responses to common triggers like work-related travel, social media interactions, or delayed text responses. These exercises help build resilience and confidence in their new coping mechanisms. The concept of "Relationship Resilience" becomes central during this phase. Couples learn that occasional setbacks don't indicate failure but rather provide opportunities for reinforcing their recovery skills. They develop what therapists term "emotional muscle memory" – the ability to automatically implement healthy responses to challenging situations. Support systems play a vital role in maintenance. Successful couples often participate in ongoing support groups or maintenance therapy sessions, viewing these as relationship wellness check-ups rather than crisis interventions. Some find that serving as mentors to other couples working through similar issues helps reinforce their own recovery. Technology can be repurposed from a source of conflict to a maintenance tool. Couples might use relationship apps that promote healthy communication or set up regular virtual check-ins with their therapist. However, clear boundaries around technology use remain essential to prevent slipping back into monitoring behaviors. Perhaps most importantly, couples learn to celebrate their progress while remaining realistic about ongoing challenges. They understand that maintaining relationship health requires active engagement, much like physical fitness requires regular exercise. This mindset shift from "fixing a problem" to "maintaining relationship wellness" proves crucial for long-term success. Long-term studies of couples who have navigated through accusatory relationship patterns reveal diverse outcomes that can inform both therapeutic approaches and prognosis. Understanding these trajectories helps set realistic expectations and guides intervention strategies. Research indicates three primary long-term outcome patterns. The first group, approximately 30% of couples, achieves what therapists term "transformed intimacy" – a deeper, more authentic connection built on the foundation of their recovery work. These couples often report that working through their trust issues created unprecedented emotional intimacy and self-awareness. Their relationships become characterized by earned security rather than anxious attachment. The second group, roughly 45%, maintains stability through ongoing management. These couples successfully implement their maintenance strategies but require periodic therapeutic tune-ups. Their relationships remain functional and satisfying, though they may experience occasional resurgences of old patterns during high-stress periods. The key distinction is their ability to recognize and address these patterns before they escalate. The final group, about 25%, ultimately transitions to new relationships or chosen singlehood. Importantly, research suggests that even these "unsuccessful" couples often report personal growth and improved relationship skills in their subsequent relationships, particularly when both partners engaged meaningfully in the therapeutic process. Looking beyond the immediate relationship, the implications of successful recovery extend into multiple life domains. Professional performance often improves as mental energy previously consumed by relationship anxiety becomes available for career focus. Social relationships deepen as both partners develop healthier boundaries and interaction patterns. Many couples report improved parenting capacity, breaking intergenerational patterns of insecure attachment. The neurobiological impact of successful treatment appears lasting. Brain imaging studies of recovered accusers show normalized activity in areas associated with threat detection and emotional regulation. This suggests that with proper intervention, even deeply ingrained patterns of hypervigilance can be permanently altered. Perhaps most significantly, couples who successfully navigate this journey often become valuable resources for others facing similar challenges. Many choose to participate in peer support programs or share their experiences in therapeutic groups, creating a ripple effect of healing in their communities. Their stories serve as powerful testimonials that change is possible, even in seemingly entrenched patterns of mistrust. The future of treatment for accusatory relationships continues to evolve, with promising developments in areas like neurofeedback therapy and virtual reality exposure training. However, the fundamental principles remain consistent: healing requires courage, commitment, and the willingness to confront deep-seated patterns while building new ones. As we understand more about the intersection of attachment theory, neurobiology, and relationship dynamics, one truth becomes increasingly clear: while the path to recovery from accusatory patterns is challenging, it offers an opportunity for profound personal and relational transformation. The journey itself, regardless of its ultimate destination, can serve as a catalyst for meaningful growth and self-discovery.
By douglas hauptman December 11, 2024
Chapter 1: The Performance Sarah Mitchell considered herself one of the good ones. At thirty-two, she'd attended every diversity workshop her tech company offered, had a "Black Lives Matter" sticker on her laptop, and wasn't afraid to call out racism wherever she saw it — which, as it happened, was everywhere. The problem was, Sarah saw racism in places where it didn't exist. Like when her colleague James suggested that maybe — just maybe — the office's mandatory "Unconscious Bias" training wasn't the best use of company time. Sarah immediately reported him to HR for creating a hostile work environment. Or when her neighbor Tom put up a "Blue Lives Matter" flag. She didn't just write a strongly-worded letter to the HOA; she started a neighborhood petition to have him removed from the community. The fact that Tom's son was a police officer who'd died in the line of duty was, in Sarah's mind, irrelevant. Symbols were symbols, after all. But Sarah's moment of reckoning came during the company's annual diversity gala. As she stood at the podium, ready to accept an award for her "outstanding contributions to workplace inclusion," an elderly Black janitor shuffled past with his mop. Sarah, caught up in her performative zeal, stopped her speech to publicly praise him for his "brave presence in predominantly white spaces." The janitor, Mr. Johnson, who held two master's degrees and worked nights to put his grandchildren through college, simply stared at her. The silence in the room was deafening. It was then that Sarah began to realize that perhaps she, in her desperate attempt to prove her anti-racist credentials, had become something else entirely: a caricature of white liberal guilt, so focused on appearing virtuous that she'd lost sight of actual human beings. But would she recognize this truth about herself? Or would she double down, convinced that her crusade against perceived racism made her one of the "good ones"? After all, nothing was more important to Sarah than being seen as one of the good ones. Even if it meant destroying other people's lives in the process. Sarah's phone buzzed. Another notification from her carefully curated social justice Twitter feed. Someone had posted about a local Thai restaurant owned by a white couple. Her fingers itched with righteous purpose as she began drafting her callout post. "Time to educate some colonizers," she muttered, completely missing the irony of her white savior complex in action. She had a fresh thread brewing about cultural appropriation in the culinary arts, complete with her usual hashtags: #CulturalViolence #NotYourFood #CancelColonizers. The fact that she'd never actually eaten at the restaurant, or spoken to its owners, or learned anything about their background, was irrelevant. She had a cause to fight for, and more importantly, an audience to perform for. Her laptop screen reflected her satisfied smile as she hit "Tweet." Another blow struck in the name of justice. Another performance completed. In the building's lobby, Mr. Johnson quietly mopped the floor, his MIT class ring catching the fluorescent light as he moved. He'd watched people like Sarah come and go over his decades of working nights to fund his grandchildren's education. They never asked about his dissertation on economic empowerment in urban communities, or his years running a successful consulting firm before the 2008 crash. They just saw what they wanted to see: a prop in their performance of virtue. Mr. Johnson smiled slightly, knowing something Sarah didn't: real change happened in the quiet moments between the performances, in the authentic connections made when nobody was watching, in the humble act of seeing people as they were – not as characters in your own story of redemption. But Sarah wasn't ready for that lesson yet. She was too busy composing her next thread about why white people shouldn't be allowed to use chopsticks. The spotlight was on, and she had a show to run.   Chapter 2: The Awakening Sarah's Instagram feed was her battlefield. Every morning, she'd scroll through her carefully curated list of "anti-racist educators," taking detailed notes on the latest terminology and transgressions to avoid. Her followers had come to expect her daily callouts of problematic behavior, accompanied by lengthy captions explaining why seemingly innocent actions were actually "deeply rooted in white supremacy." Today's target was the local farmer's market. "Just witnessed a white vendor selling KIMCHI," she typed furiously. "This is literally colonization on a plate. I immediately spoke to the manager about this gross example of cultural appropriation." What Sarah hadn't bothered to learn was that the vendor, Amy Chen, was Korean-American, using her grandmother's recipe. Amy had been wearing a sun hat and face mask while tending her stall, making her ethnicity not immediately apparent. But Sarah hadn't asked. Asking would have ruined a perfectly good opportunity for outrage. The backlash was swift. Amy's regular customers came to her defense, and soon Sarah's inbox was flooded with messages explaining her mistake. But Sarah wasn't interested in correction. Instead, she doubled down, writing a three-part series about how her critics were exhibiting "white fragility" and "defending systems of oppression." That evening, during her weekly video call with her sister Kate, Sarah proudly recounted her day of activism. "Don't you think you should apologize to the vendor?" Kate asked carefully. "God, Kate, you sound just like Mom," Sarah snapped. "This is exactly why I had to distance myself from our family. You're all so... problematic." Kate sighed. Their mother — a retired civil rights lawyer who'd spent forty years defending low-income clients of all backgrounds — had become Sarah's favorite example of "outdated thinking" ever since she'd suggested that perhaps screaming "racist" at their elderly neighbor for mispronouncing a name wasn't the most constructive approach. "Sarah," Kate said, "do you remember Ms. Washington from third grade?" "Our Black teacher? Of course. She was so brave to work in our predominantly white school." "She wasn't brave, Sarah. She was just a teacher doing her job. And she hated being called 'brave' for simply existing in white spaces. She told us that directly, remember?" Sarah didn't remember. Or rather, she'd rewritten that memory to better fit her current narrative. The conversation ended abruptly when Sarah spotted a Facebook post she deemed problematic — a white woman sharing a recipe for tacos. "Sorry, Kate, duty calls. This cultural theft needs to be addressed." As she began typing another righteously indignant post, Sarah caught her reflection in the computer screen. For a brief moment, she saw something in her eyes that made her pause: a glimpse of emptiness, a hunger for validation that no amount of virtual signaling could fill. But then the moment passed, and she returned to her crusade. After all, someone had to protect the world from the scourge of white people making tacos. Meanwhile, across town, Amy Chen added another name to her growing list of banned customers, turned up her K-pop playlist, and continued fermenting her grandmother's kimchi — the same way her family had done for generations, regardless of who approved or disapproved of their right to do so.   Chapter 3: The Committee Sarah's greatest triumph — or so she thought — was founding her company's "Coalition for Radical Inclusion and Social Justice" (CRISJ, which she insisted on pronouncing as "crisis"). Every Tuesday, the committee would meet in Conference Room B to discuss ways to make their workplace more equitable. Today's meeting was particularly energetic. Sarah had discovered that the company's cafeteria was serving "ethnic food Fridays." "It's exotification of minority cuisines," she declared to the room of predominantly white faces she'd personally selected for the committee. "And the worst part? They're letting Chef Marcus, who is literally a white male, cook these dishes!" Maria, one of only two people of color on the committee, cleared her throat. "Actually, Marcus trained in Thailand for ten years, and his wife is Thai—" "That's literally worse," Sarah interrupted, making a note to schedule a private conversation with Maria about her "internalized oppression." "He's basically colonizing his wife's culture for profit." The committee members nodded dutifully, except for James from Accounting, who'd only joined because HR strongly suggested it would help with his "documented insensitivity" — namely, the time he'd questioned Sarah's anonymous complaint about the office Christmas party being "religious terrorism." "What if we just asked the staff what they think about the menu?" James suggested. Sarah's eyes narrowed. "That would be putting the burden of education on marginalized people, James. Do better." She made another note to report this microaggression to HR. After the meeting, Sarah headed to her favorite coffee shop, The Woke Bean, where she regularly lectured the baristas about their tip jar being a symbol of capitalism's exploitation. As she waited for her order ("fair trade, ethically sourced, oat milk cortado with a trigger warning"), she overheard two elderly Asian women chatting at a nearby table. "Did you hear they're canceling ethnic food at TechCorp?" one said. "My daughter Jin works there. She said some white lady decided it was offensive." "Typical," her friend replied. "They think they're helping, but they're just erasing us. Jin said that Marcus's pad thai was the only thing that reminded her of her grandmother's cooking." Sarah felt a strange discomfort in her stomach. But she quickly diagnosed it as a reaction to systemic oppression rather than any sort of self-doubt. Opening her laptop, she began drafting an email to the entire company about the importance of "decolonizing lunch." That's when she noticed a new employee standing by her table — Dr. Yuki Chen, the company's recently hired VP of Innovation. Sarah immediately straightened up, ready to demonstrate her allyship. "Dr. Chen! I just want you to know that I see you, and I honor your brave journey as an Asian woman in tech. I'm actually leading the charge to remove the problematic ethnic food program that's been oppressing our marginalized employees." Dr. Chen's expression was unreadable behind her mask, but her voice was crystal clear: "Ms. Mitchell, I'm the one who started the ethnic food program. And Marcus is my brother-in-law." For the first time in years, Sarah was speechless. "Also," Dr. Chen continued, "I've been meaning to talk to you about some complaints I've received about CRISJ. Would you mind joining me in my office tomorrow morning?" As Dr. Chen walked away, Sarah frantically opened Slack to message her committee. They needed to organize a protest immediately. Clearly, Dr. Chen was suffering from internalized white supremacy, and it was Sarah's duty — her burden, really — to save her from herself. After all, what could an actual Asian executive possibly know about diversity that Sarah hadn't already learned from her Instagram activism course?   Chapter 4: The Reckoning Sarah arrived at Dr. Chen's office armed with screenshots of anti-racist infographics and a 47-page document titled "Decolonizing Corporate Cuisine: A White Ally's Guide to Food Justice." She'd stayed up until 3 AM preparing her defense, fueled by organic coffee and the conviction that she was on the right side of history. Dr. Chen's office was disappointingly conventional. Sarah had expected at least a few "Asian-inspired" decorative elements she could mentally catalog as problematic. Instead, she found herself sitting across from a simple desk with a family photo — Marcus, the cafeteria chef, was indeed in the picture, arm around his wife at what appeared to be Dr. Chen's graduation. "Ms. Mitchell," Dr. Chen began, adjusting her glasses, "I've reviewed the activities of your... committee." She glanced at a folder. "CRISJ?" "Yes," Sarah leaned forward eagerly. "We're working to dismantle systemic—" "In the past month," Dr. Chen continued as if Sarah hadn't spoken, "you've filed thirty-seven HR complaints, organized a boycott of the company gym for offering 'culturally appropriative' yoga classes, and demanded the removal of the Spanish language option from our software because, according to your email, 'white developers shouldn't profit from other languages.'" "Exactly!" Sarah beamed. "I'm so glad you understand—" "Our yoga instructor is Hindu, Ms. Mitchell. She's been teaching for twenty years. She quit last week after your followers left one-star reviews on her personal business page." "Well, she should have understood that as a white-passing person—" "She's not 'white-passing.' That's just what she looks like. And she's filed a harassment claim." Sarah felt a familiar rush of righteous indignation. "This is exactly the kind of tone policing that—" "I'm not finished," Dr. Chen's voice had a steel edge to it. "The Spanish language option was developed by our Latin American team in Mexico City. They were quite confused by your email accusing them of 'letting themselves be colonized.'" Sarah's phone buzzed. Probably another Instagram notification from her latest post about "decentering whiteness in corporate spaces." Dr. Chen reached over and turned the phone face-down. "But let's talk about Marcus." "The colonizer chef?" Sarah regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. "My brother-in-law. The one you reported to the health department for 'cultural food crimes.'" Dr. Chen's voice remained steady. "The one who learned to cook in my mother's restaurant after his parents died. The one who helped put me through graduate school by working double shifts. That colonizer." For the first time, Sarah noticed other photos on Dr. Chen's desk. A younger Marcus in a Thai kitchen, covered in flour. Marcus at a hospital, holding a newborn. Marcus and his wife teaching a cooking class. "I... I was just trying to help," Sarah's voice sounded small, even to herself. "Were you?" Dr. Chen opened her laptop. "Because I have an interesting email here from 2019. Before your... awakening. You wrote to HR complaining about, and I quote, 'the overwhelming food smells' when Marcus first introduced Asian dishes to the cafeteria menu." Sarah felt the blood drain from her face. She'd forgotten about that email. "Your activism, Ms. Mitchell, seems to have coincided perfectly with the rise of social media virtue signaling. Before that, you were filing very different kinds of complaints." Dr. Chen slid a document across the desk. Sarah recognized the company letterhead. "This is a final warning," Dr. Chen said quietly. "Your behavior has created a hostile work environment — not for the people you claim to protect, but through your persistent harassment of employees who don't conform to your view of what their cultures should be." "But I'm an ally!" Sarah's voice cracked. "No, Ms. Mitchell. You're a bully with a hashtag." As Sarah left the office, her carefully constructed world of performative activism beginning to crack, she passed the cafeteria. Through the window, she saw Marcus teaching a group of employees how to fold dumplings, everyone laughing as their attempts fell apart. She remembered writing an email draft about the "problematic power dynamics" of that cooking class. For the first time, she wondered if perhaps she'd been the problem all along. Her phone buzzed again. Another notification. Another chance to be publicly righteous. Her finger hovered over the screen. But this time, something stopped her.   Chapter 5: The Unraveling Sarah spent the weekend in crisis. Not the usual kind where she'd discover a white-owned sushi restaurant and organize a Twitter mob, but a real one. Her carefully curated world of performative outrage was crumbling, and worse — people were starting to notice. Her phone kept buzzing with notifications from her latest crusade, but each one now felt like an accusation. She scrolled through her post history with growing horror: "This white woman wearing hoop earrings at the grocery store is LITERALLY committing violence..." "Just watched my neighbor eating with chopsticks. As a white ally, I had to say something..." "Thread: Why having a world foods aisle in supermarkets perpetuates colonial supremacy (1/47)..." It was while hate-following her neighbor Tom's Facebook page (looking for problematic content to report) that she saw it: a photo of him at his son's grave, the "Blue Lives Matter" flag gently waving in the background. The caption read: "Five years without you, son. Miss you every day." Sarah felt physically ill. She remembered the change.org petition she'd started to have him evicted, the anonymous letters she'd sent to his employer, the Instagram stories she'd posted about the "racist cop supporter" next door. She clicked through to his profile, something she'd never bothered to do before. There were photos of his son's community service work, his volunteer activities at the local youth center, his graduation from the police academy with a stated mission to improve police-community relations. The last photo showed him mediating a peaceful discussion between protesters and police officers, one week before a drunk driver took his life. "Oh god," Sarah whispered to her empty apartment. Her phone buzzed again. The CRISJ group chat was on fire. In her absence, they'd discovered that the company's janitorial service was owned by a Hispanic family. "Cultural exploitation!" someone posted. "They're forcing minorities into servitude roles!" "Actually," replied another member, "the owner has an MBA and built the company from scratch. They pay above market rate and provide full benefits." "STOP DEFENDING THE OPPRESSORS!" Sarah recognized her own rhetorical style in their responses, and it made her cringe. Was this how she sounded? She thought about Mr. Johnson from the diversity gala, how she'd never bothered to learn about his degrees or his grandchildren. She'd been too busy using him as a prop in her performance of virtue. Her doorbell rang. Through the peephole, she saw Tom, the neighbor she'd spent months trying to destroy. He was holding a plate of cookies. "Your sister Kate told me you might be having a rough time," he said when she hesitantly opened the door. "Thought you might like some of these. They're my son's recipe. He used to make them for the kids at the youth center." Sarah stood frozen, the plate warm in her hands. "I know what you've been doing, Sarah," he continued, his voice tired but not unkind. "The letters to my boss, the petition, the posts about me. I want you to know I forgive you. And if you ever want to actually talk — about my son, about what he believed in, about anything — I'm right next door." As Tom walked away, Sarah noticed a group of her CRISJ committee members across the street, phones raised, documenting what they probably saw as her "fraternization with the enemy." She should have cared about their judgment. A week ago, she would have cared about nothing else. Instead, she closed her front door, set down the plate of cookies, and for the first time in years, opened her laptop not to condemn, but to learn. She typed into Google: "How to apologize and make amends." Her phone buzzed one more time. It was an email from Dr. Chen: "When you're ready to do the real work — not the performative kind — come see me. Bring an appetite. Marcus is teaching another cooking class, and this time, you're actually invited to listen and learn." Sarah looked at the cookies Tom had brought, picked one up, and took a bite. It was sweet, complex, and nothing like she'd expected. Kind of like people, she thought, when you actually took the time to know them.   Chapter 6: The Real Work Sarah deleted her social media accounts on a Tuesday. There was no dramatic announcement, no lengthy explanation about "taking space for self-reflection" — phrases she now recognized as part of her previous performance. She simply clicked "delete account" five times and felt the weight of constant outrage lift from her shoulders. The CRISJ committee imploded within days of her departure. Without their leader, they'd devolved into accusing each other of increasingly absurd transgressions. The last straw came when someone reported the office's artificial plants as "appropriating nature-based indigenous traditions." But Sarah wasn't there to see it. She was in the company cafeteria, sweating over a hot stove with Marcus. "No, no," he laughed, adjusting her grip on the wok. "You're treating it like it's going to bite you. Feel the weight, move with it." He demonstrated the fluid motion of proper stir-frying. "My mother-in-law taught me this. Took me three years to get it right." "Three years?" Sarah was shocked. "But I thought—" "That I just decided to 'colonize' Asian cuisine one day?" His eyes twinkled. "That's the problem with assumptions, Sarah. They make for quick judgments but slow learning." Dr. Chen appeared with a stack of bowls. "Ah, I see you haven't set anything on fire yet. Progress." Sarah blushed, remembering her previous manifesto about how letting white people cook Asian food was "culinary colonialism." Now she understood the staggering arrogance of having written that without ever having tried to make the food herself, without knowing the stories behind each dish, without understanding that cuisine, like culture, was meant to be shared and celebrated, not policed and segregated. "I have something for you," Dr. Chen said, pulling out a worn notebook. "My grandmother's recipes. The real ones, not the simplified versions we serve here. But first, you need to learn the history." And so Sarah learned. Not by posting about it on Instagram, but by listening. Really listening. She learned how Dr. Chen's grandmother had modified her recipes during the Cultural Revolution, when traditional ingredients were scarce. How Marcus had learned to cook as therapy after losing his parents, finding family in the warm chaos of a restaurant kitchen. How food had been their language of love when words failed across cultural and linguistic barriers. After the lesson, Sarah walked home, her arms sore from wok-handling and her notebook filled with actual knowledge instead of performative outrage. She passed Tom's house and saw him in the garden. "Hey," she said, stopping at his fence. "I've been meaning to ask... would you tell me about your son?" Tom's face softened. "Come on in. I'll make coffee." For the next two hours, Sarah did something she hadn't done in years: she shut up and listened. Tom showed her photos, told her stories about his son's dedication to community policing, his dreams of reform from within the system, his belief that real change came from understanding, not shouting. "He used to say," Tom recalled, his voice thick with emotion, "that the hardest part of his job wasn't dealing with criminals. It was dealing with people who were so convinced they were right that they couldn't hear anyone else." Sarah felt the words like a punch to the gut. That night, she began writing emails. Not manifestos or callouts, but apologies. To the yoga instructor. To the Spanish development team. To Mr. Johnson. To everyone she'd tried to "save" without bothering to know. Some responded with forgiveness. Others didn't respond at all. Sarah learned to sit with that discomfort, understanding that real growth wasn't about being seen as good — it was about doing better, even when no one was watching. Her phone lay silent, notifications turned off. On her kitchen counter, a wok seasoned with actual experience replaced her collection of "Decolonize Everything" coffee mugs. And on her laptop, instead of another angry blog post, she was writing something new: "Dear Dr. Chen, I'm ready for the next lesson. Not just about cooking, but about listening. About learning. About doing the real work. And yes, I know now that the real work doesn't come with a hashtag. • Sarah"   Chapter 7: Full Circle One year later, Sarah sat in Conference Room B, the same room where she'd once held court with CRISJ. But today was different. Across from her sat a young white woman named Rebecca, clutching a stack of printed tweets and vibrating with familiar righteous energy. "These microaggressions cannot stand," Rebecca declared, spreading screenshots across the table. "The cafeteria is literally serving General Tso's chicken. It's not even authentic! As a white ally, I have to speak up for—" "Have you tried it?" Sarah interrupted quietly. Rebecca blinked. "What?" "The chicken. Have you tried Marcus's version?" "Well, no, but that's not the point. The point is—" "Come with me," Sarah said, standing up. She led a confused Rebecca to the cafeteria, where Marcus was teaching a group of employees how to properly bread the chicken pieces. "General Tso's chicken," Marcus explained to the group, "was actually invented in New York City by Chef Peng Chang-kuei. He created it for American palates while maintaining Chinese cooking techniques. Our version here uses his original recipe, which he shared with my wife's family when they ran a restaurant together in Taiwan." Rebecca deflated slightly. "But... but I read a thread on Twitter..." "I know," Sarah said softly. "I used to write those threads." After Marcus's class, Sarah bought Rebecca lunch. Over plates of perfectly crispy General Tso's chicken, Sarah shared her own journey from performative outrage to genuine understanding. "But how do we fight racism if we can't call it out?" Rebecca asked, her worldview visibly shaking. "By doing the actual work," Sarah explained. "Remember Mr. Johnson, the janitor I tried to 'save' at the diversity gala? He now teaches night classes in business administration here at the company. I take his class. Not to prove anything to anyone, but because he has thirty years of experience I can learn from." She told Rebecca about the community program she'd started with Tom, bringing local police officers and neighborhood kids together for cooking classes taught by Marcus. No social media posts, no public accolades — just quiet, meaningful work. "But nobody knows about all the good you're doing," Rebecca protested. "Exactly," Sarah smiled. "That's how I know it's real." As if on cue, Dr. Chen appeared at their table. "Sarah, we need your help," she said. "The city council is considering a proposal to ban 'non-traditional' businesses from the historic district. Some of our restaurant owners are worried." The old Sarah would have immediately drafted a Twitter thread about systemic oppression. The new Sarah asked, "When's the council meeting? I'll bring the small business impact studies we've been working on, and maybe Marcus can cater it—show them what 'traditional' really means in our community." Rebecca watched this exchange with growing understanding. "Could... could I help too?" Sarah and Dr. Chen exchanged glances. "Of course," Dr. Chen said. "But first, you'll need to learn the difference between helping and performative helping. Sarah's pretty good at explaining that nowadays." That evening, Sarah walked home past Tom's house. The Blue Lives Matter flag was gone, replaced by a garden of flowers his son had always wanted to plant. They were tended jointly by Tom and local teenagers from Sarah's community program. Her phone buzzed—her first social media notification in a year. Someone had tagged her in a callout post: "Remember Sarah Mitchell? The so-called ally who betrayed the cause by actually talking to the enemy?" Sarah laughed and deleted the notification. In her kitchen, a pot of soup simmered—her first solo attempt at Dr. Chen's grandmother's recipe. It wasn't perfect, but it was authentic. Like her allyship now: messy, imperfect, but real. She ladled out two bowls and headed next door. Tom would want to hear about today's council meeting prep, and she wanted his perspective on community outreach. Not for show, not for social media, not to prove she was "one of the good ones." But because that's what neighbors do. That's what people do, when they stop performing and start living. The End   Epilogue: The Ripple Effect Three years after Sarah's "cancellation" from social justice Twitter, her old CRISJ committee photo popped up in her Facebook memories. She barely recognized herself in that image: standing at the front, finger pointed mid-lecture, surrounded by a sea of nodding white faces competing to look the most concerned. Today, she sat in a very different kind of meeting. The community center's conference room was chaos – Marcus demonstrating dumpling-folding techniques to a group of police cadets, Tom's gardening club teenagers teaching elderly residents about sustainable farming, and Mr. Johnson conducting a small business workshop in the corner. Dr. Chen stood beside Sarah, both of them watching Rebecca – yes, that Rebecca – patiently explaining social media marketing to immigrant business owners fighting the historic district restrictions. "Remember when you thought activism meant having the loudest megaphone?" Dr. Chen asked, sampling one of the dumplings. Sarah winced. "Please don't remind me." "No, actually, I think we should remind you." Dr. Chen pulled out her phone and showed Sarah a text message. It was from the yoga instructor Sarah had once tried to cancel: "Starting free classes at the community center next week. Tell Sarah she was right about one thing – yoga should be accessible to everyone. Just not for the reasons she thought." The door chimed as Tom's neighbor Maria walked in with her teenage son Miguel. Three years ago, Sarah would have immediately labeled Maria a "problematic Latina" for supporting Tom. Now, she knew Maria as the brilliant civil rights attorney who'd helped save three immigrant-owned restaurants from the historic district ban, and Miguel as the talented chef apprenticing under Marcus. "Hey, Sarah," Miguel called out, "I modified your soup recipe with some of my abuela's spices. Want to try?" Sarah laughed. "You mean the recipe I nearly got Marcus fired for sharing? Please tell me you made it better." "Speaking of better," Dr. Chen said, "Have you seen this?" She handed Sarah a printout of a Twitter thread. Sarah's stomach clenched – she still had a Pavlovian response to Twitter's format – but this was different. Someone had written a thoughtful analysis of how their community had transformed over the past three years. No accusations, no callouts, just reduced police incidents, increased small business ownership, improved community relations. "The best part?" Dr. Chen smiled. "Nobody knows you had anything to do with it. No hashtags, no viral moments, no performance." "Thank god," Sarah muttered. The door chimed again. A young white woman walked in, clutching her phone and practically vibrating with familiar righteous energy. Sarah recognized the look – she'd worn it herself not so long ago. "Is this where the anti-racism workshop is being held?" the woman demanded. "I have some concerns about cultural appropriation in this neighborhood. I've drafted a thread—" "Perfect timing," Sarah interrupted, exchanging knowing looks with Dr. Chen. "Marcus is just about to teach us how to make dumplings. Would you like to learn the story behind them?" "I don't need to learn about—" "Yes, actually, you do," Sarah said gently. "We all do. Here, wash your hands. The first lesson isn't about dumplings at all – it's about listening." As she guided the newcomer toward the cooking station, Sarah caught her reflection in the window. Her face was smudged with flour, her "activist" wardrobe replaced with practical cooking clothes, and she was smiling – really smiling, not the performative kind she used to perfect for Instagram. Her phone buzzed. Another callout post about her "betrayal of the cause" was making the rounds. Sarah ignored it and rolled up her sleeves. There were dumplings to be made, stories to be shared, and actual work to be done. Later that night, as the community center emptied, Sarah found a note tucked under her coat. In Mr. Johnson's elegant handwriting, it read: "Real change doesn't need an audience. - Your favorite 'brave presence in white spaces' 😉" Sarah pinned the note to the community center's board, right next to the sign-up sheet for next week's cooking classes. The sheet was already full of names – police officers and protesters, immigrants and old-timers, social justice warriors and skeptics, all signed up to learn, to listen, to do the real work. No hashtags required. Fin Author's Note: Behind "The Virtue Signal" When I set out to write "The Virtue Signal," I aimed to explore one of the most complex and delicate issues in modern discourse: the phenomenon of performative activism and false accusations of racism among white people. The story needed to walk a careful line - examining these behaviors critically while avoiding the very same pitfalls of self-righteousness it sought to critique. Sarah's character was inspired by what sociologists have termed "white savior complex" - the tendency for some white individuals to view themselves as the rescuers or protectors of people of color, often while inadvertently perpetuating harmful stereotypes and power dynamics. Her journey from performative outrage to genuine understanding mirrors a path many well-meaning people must navigate in our social media age. The supporting characters were deliberately crafted to subvert the shallow stereotypes that performative activists often deploy. Mr. Johnson isn't just a janitor but a business expert with multiple degrees. Marcus isn't a cultural appropriator but someone who earned his expertise through years of dedicated study and family connection. Dr. Chen isn't a passive victim of colonization but a powerful executive who understands the complexity of cultural exchange. The choice to make Sarah's victims primarily other white people was intentional - it highlights how performative activism often says more about the accuser's need for validation than any genuine concern for social justice. Tom's story, in particular, shows how quick judgments based on symbols (like the Blue Lives Matter flag) can blind us to human complexity and pain. The story's structure follows Sarah's transformation from performing goodness to doing good: • Chapters 1-3 show her at the height of her performative phase • Chapters 4-5 mark her crisis and beginning of awareness • Chapters 6-7 demonstrate her growth into genuine allyship • The Epilogue shows the real-world impact of choosing authentic action over performance Some readers might notice that the story doesn't offer easy answers or complete redemption. Sarah's former targets don't all forgive her. Her new approach isn't perfect or pure. This messiness is intentional - real growth and genuine allyship aren't about achieving a perfect end state, but about committing to a continuous journey of learning and understanding. The recurring motif of food throughout the story serves multiple purposes. It represents cultural exchange at its most fundamental level, challenges simplistic notions of authenticity and appropriation, and provides a tangible way to show how learning about other cultures requires humility, patience, and a willingness to make mistakes. Perhaps most importantly, the story suggests that real social justice work often happens quietly, without social media attention or public accolades. It's in the daily actions, the difficult conversations, the humble learning moments that true change occurs. As Sarah learns, it's not about being seen as "one of the good ones" - it's about doing the actual work, especially when no one is watching. The ending brings a new performative activist into the community center, suggesting that this cycle continues - but also that there's hope for transformation, if we're willing to put down our phones, roll up our sleeves, and do the real work of building understanding. In our current climate of social media activism and call-out culture, I hope this story encourages readers to examine their own motivations and actions. Are we performing goodness, or doing good? Are we listening to understand, or waiting to speak? Are we building bridges, or burning them for likes and retweets? These are questions without easy answers, but they're questions worth asking. Because in the end, real change doesn't come from hashtags or viral posts - it comes from the messy, complex, often invisible work of genuine human connection. • Hyper December 2024   Reading Guide: "The Virtue Signal" Discussion Questions & Analysis Character Analysis 1. Sarah's Evolution o How does Sarah's language change throughout the story? Track specific phrases and terms she uses from beginning to end. o At what moment does Sarah first show genuine self-awareness? Are there earlier hints that she might be capable of change? o Is Sarah a sympathetic character? Does your sympathy for her change throughout the story? 2. Supporting Characters o Why is Dr. Chen portrayed as calm and measured rather than angry at Sarah's behavior? What purpose does this serve in the narrative? o How does Tom's character challenge Sarah's (and perhaps readers') preconceptions about people who display certain political symbols? o What role does Marcus play beyond just being a chef? How does his character challenge stereotypes about cultural authenticity? Themes & Symbols 1. Food as Metaphor o How does the story use cooking and food sharing as a metaphor for cultural exchange? o What does the contrast between Sarah's initial reaction to "ethnic food" and her later cooking lessons represent? o Why is learning to cook portrayed as more meaningful than learning to speak about cultural issues? 2. Social Media & Performance o How does the story portray the relationship between social media activism and real-world change? o What does Sarah lose when she gives up her social media presence? What does she gain? o How does the story distinguish between performative and genuine allyship? 3. Power & Privilege o How does Sarah's initial behavior actually reinforce the power dynamics she claims to fight against? o What does the story suggest about the relationship between intention and impact in activism? o How does Sarah's privilege manifest differently before and after her transformation? Critical Questions 1. On Activism o Is the story suggesting that all social media activism is inherently performative? Where is the line? o How does the story define "real work" in terms of social justice? Do you agree with this definition? o What does the story suggest about the role of public versus private actions in creating social change? 2. On Growth & Change o Is Sarah's transformation believable? What makes it so (or not)? o Why do some characters forgive Sarah while others don't? Is this realistic? o What role does humility play in Sarah's journey? How is this shown in the text? 3. On Community o How does the community center in the epilogue differ from Sarah's original CRISJ committee? o What does the story suggest about the relationship between authentic community building and social justice? o Why does the story end with the appearance of a new "Sarah"? What does this cyclical element suggest? Contemporary Relevance 1. Current Events & Context o How does this story relate to contemporary discussions about "wokeness" and "cancel culture"? o What does the story suggest about the role of white people in anti-racist work? o How might different readers interpret this story based on their own experiences with activism? 2. Personal Application o Have you witnessed instances of performative activism in your own life? How did they compare to Sarah's behavior? o What does this story suggest about how to handle our own mistakes and growth in social justice work? o How might this story change the way readers approach social media activism? Writing Craft 1. Structure & Style o Why does the story use humor and satire rather than taking a more serious tone? o How does the author balance criticism of performative activism with empathy for well-meaning people? o What purpose do the food descriptions serve beyond their literal meaning? 2. Narrative Choices o Why does the story focus on a white protagonist learning about her own behavior rather than on the experiences of people of color? o How does the author use specific incidents (like the diversity gala, the cooking classes) to illustrate larger themes? o What is the significance of ending with an epilogue showing the long-term impact of Sarah's change? Group Discussion Activities 1. Text Analysis o Compare Sarah's social media posts from the beginning of the story with her actions at the end. What has fundamentally changed? o Identify moments where characters could have responded with anger to Sarah but chose not to. Why might the author have made this choice? 2. Real-World Connections o Bring examples of performative activism from current events. How do they compare to Sarah's behavior? o Discuss examples of genuine allyship you've witnessed. What made them authentic rather than performative? 3. Personal Reflection o Share instances where you've caught yourself being performative rather than genuine in your attempts to do good. o Discuss what "doing the real work" means in your own context and community. Writing Prompts 1. Write a scene from Dr. Chen's perspective during one of her early encounters with Sarah. 2. Compose one of Sarah's apologetic emails to someone she wronged. 3. Draft a social media post that the "new" Sarah might write about genuine community building. Final Reflection Consider how this story might influence your own approach to social justice work and online activism. What lessons from Sarah's journey might you apply to your own life?
By douglas hauptman October 27, 2024
Here is my chapter in the Best Selling book E-Myth Evolution! I was talking to my chiropractor like he was my therapist. As he twisted and cracked and released, I poured out my business woes. I was starting to buckle under the weight of my responsibilities, and it was all palpable, there in the back of my neck. He pounded on my shoulders. “You’re all locked up,” he said. I had recently opened the doors on my most recent business venture: Mimosa Salon Suites. 10,000 square feet of office space in Conyers, Georgia that had been converted into individual salon suites to be rented by beauty professionals. The goal of the business was to provide a landing pad and a place to grow for lower income business owners, primarily black women, most of them in their mid-twenties to mid-forties. Our occupancy was full, we were doing well and growing, but I was single-handedly managing every aspect of the business. It felt to me like everything in the company relied on me. When I tried to outsource it was ineffective, because no one seemed to care as much as I did or perform to my standards. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I knew if something didn’t change, I wouldn’t be able to sustain. My chiropractor looked at me and my hiked-up shoulders, and he presented me with a gift. “Here,” he said. “Read this.” He handed me his phone. On it was a book, Awakening the Entrepreneur Within: How Ordinary People Can Create Extraordinary Companies, by Michael Gerber. I left his office, my back feeling much better, and ordered the book as soon as I returned home. I should back up for a moment and tell you that I’ve always been an entrepreneur. I started at the age of seven, with a lemonade stand on the corner of 35th and MacArthur Boulevard in Oakland, California where I grew up. I chose 35th and MacArthur because it was on one of the busiest corners, across the street from a bus stop. Even at seven I knew a thing or two about supply and demand. I grew up, and in my early adulthood I caught the wave of the technology boom of the 1980s. I ran a company that sold microprocessors and semiconductors to some of the biggest computer manufacturers of the day. It was good business, but not great for my soul, and was eventually pulled out from underneath me in a hostile takeover. From there, I moved into marketing, and then to real estate which is where I germinated and eventually built the idea that became Mimosa Salon Suites. I was no beginner, and I’d done plenty of things right, but it wasn’t until I read Awakening that I realized how much I was still doing wrong. I had built a business on my own faltering back. I hadn’t yet created the systems or innovations that would allow me to step out from under all the daily tasks and truly begin to grow. I’ve always been a reader, and a self-taught man, so I began to implement Michael Gerber’s lessons immediately. E-Myth had changed my mind set in a single reading, but it was just the beginning of a larger shift. Like any transformative book or set of ideas, it was a catalyst rather than an endpoint. I went on the read E-Myth Mastery; The Seven Essential Disciplines for Building a World-Class Company, next. Others followed. What I understood right away is that I would need to learn and become an expert in all the different areas of my business. The Seven Essential Disciplines became a blueprint for how I could begin to have true mastery over this thing that I was building. I did what I always do: I began. I put one foot in front of the other. The spirit that kept me hawking cups of lemonade when I was seven was the same spirit that I brought to growing my business: “I’m not sure if this is going to work, but I’m going to give it a try.” It’s the song of the self-made person. It doesn’t matter if you’re the smartest or the fastest, if you can stay the course and stick it out, even when things get tough, you’re going to go the distance. I dug in. I started studying and researching and learning. I read every other E-Myth book I could get my hands on, as well as many other books on the areas I needed to grow into. As I progressed, I found two key lessons to be the most pivotal in taking my business from one 10,000 square foot location to three locations making almost $1,000,000 a year in revenue. Lesson One I needed to have a mission far larger than the success of the business, and after working through the exercises in Part One of E-Myth Mastery I came up with our mission statement “One Million Square Feet of Hope!” I’m no stranger to missions. When I was young and on the heady cutting-edge of personal computers, I tasted a kind of financial success I’d never known before. I had tens of millions of dollars in contracts, and I was living the high life, in every sense of the word. Though it had its thrills, there was an emptiness to what I was doing. I, and everyone around me, was motivated entirely by the almighty dollar. I was rich, but I wasn’t sleeping well at night. I understood, without anyone ever telling me, that the road I was on might lead me to a vast fortune, but it wouldn’t take my soul anywhere but down. It was when I left that world, and started building websites as a contractor that the first seeds of mission were planted. I still remember the church service I went to, just months before I started Mimosa Salon Suites. I was making in the high six-figures at the time, and the sermon was about how those of us with wealth needed to find ways to give back. It hit me hard. After leaving the world of big tech, I had encountered my spiritual self and developed a deeply personal relationship with God. I understood how much of the health and goodness of my current life was due to that union, so I took the sermon seriously: I was supposed to be a good steward, using what I’d been given to make the world a better place. I sat in the pew and made the decision. I would find a way to do something sustainable, that would provide a service to people in the world who needed help and support. Reading E-Myth, all those many years later, reminded me of the importance of my original mission. The goal of your business can’t be the profit. If it is, you’ll lose sight of what matters and quite possibly who you are and what you stand for. The goal of your business must be the community you’ll serve, the changes you will bring, and the hearts you plan to set aflame. I wasn’t just renting salon space; I was helping people become entrepreneurs. With that in mind, I began to focus on all the ways in which we could support our tenants so that if they wanted to, they could grow into business owners themselves. Today, every new tenant in any of our Salon Suites locations gets a free copy of Awakening the Entrepreneur Within. We’ve created online courses about business development that we offer free of charge to our tenants. Instead of trying to trap people in a lease, we have a seven-day cancellation policy. We also offer a three-week break from rent for maternity leave, one week for bereavement, and prorated rent for any kind of hospital stay. We’re one of the only in our industry with these kinds of policies in place. If our mission was pure profit, we would act like ninety-nine percent of the other landlords out there and hold tenants captive until they finally managed to squeak out of their grasp. This kind of predatory practice, at its core, just isn’t good for business. It turns out that being compassionate, and just doing the right thing, is. The men and women who rent from us are fiercely independent and quite motivated. They’re sick of being gouged renting a chair at a larger salon, where they have no freedom, and no right to the profits of any products that they sell. They want something that they can call their own, and that’s what we provide for them. In most cases, when one of our tenants leave, it’s because they are starting their own salon or shop. Most landlords hate the move out notice from a tenant, but for me it’s cause for celebration. Many of these people have become an extension of my family. I’ve coached them when they’ve asked, supported their aspirations in whatever way I can, and watching them walk out the door toward their own business venture fills me with pride. Not that I did any of it, mind you, it’s all their own drive and determination that got them there—but it always feels like an honor to have provided them with a place to start. And, because our practices are built on compassionate, support, and growth; there’s always another tenant ready to fill their spot. Lesson Two Awakening will get your mind set in the right direction, and Mastery will set you on the path to growth. As I began to learn about all the disparate areas of the business, simultaneous to building our mission, it became clear that understanding the ins and outs of the business was the only way out of the trap of “doing it all myself.” I taught myself sales and marketing and operations. I learned the needs and pain points of our tenants. I figured out what was missing, and then found the people and processes to fill those gaps. The results of this work were undeniable. We went from $200,000 in revenue to $950,000 in revenue over several years, maintaining a healthy fifty percent margin with the eighty-two units we run at 100% occupancy. Because of the systems now in place, we have our eye on big growth by way of franchising. Because of my tech background, I understood that we had to leverage technology in every way we could to create systems and processes that work. For time and project management we use Basecamp. For surveys we use SurveyMonkey. For social media planning and scheduling we use Hootsuite. Most recently, we’ve begun adopting the AI strategies from AI marketing platform, deal.ai. You can’t have a true enterprise if you don’t have enterprise systems in place. I also made sure that we had a built-in innovation loop in place. That means that innovation is an active, trackable part of the systems of the company. We aren’t just maintaining the status quo, we are constantly evolving so that at any given point in time, we are at least a step or two ahead of our peers and competitors. The COVID 19 pandemic was a great example of this. By February of 2020, I saw the writing on the wall. I was one of the first business owners in Atlanta to write the initial medical protocols for the pandemic. These later got woven into the state policy. I understood that it was our job to create an environment where people both felt safe and were safe. We accomplished it, and because of that planning and innovating, Mimosa Salon Suites were able to stay open throughout most of the entire pandemic. These are just some of the ways in which building true mastery will help you survive. Very few businesses do. Creating a business plan that reflects your values and building your own deep understanding of your organization and its systems, will separate you as a survivor, rather than just another flash-in-the-pan. As I learned and stretched, I documented every part of the business we were building. At this point, many years into this learning, I am confident that if I disappeared tomorrow my business could run successfully without me. That’s how ingrained and teachable every process is. I’ve also created a succession plan, and the youngest of my four children, my daughter Mali, is set to learn the business and one day take over. To my great pride and joy. This groundwork also supports our next step, franchising Mimosa Salon Suites. My “One Million Square Feet of Hope,” dream is to see a Salon Suites in every city in the country—wherever there is need—so that aspiring salon owners can have a place to build their own future. I’ve seen the impact we’ve had on the community here in East Metro Atlanta, and I know the need is deep and far-reaching. As we execute our franchise plan and wait for the ideal economic timing (another lesson of mastery), I’m busy growing and coaching. I’ve realized that I, as the face of the business, am an integral part of its continued success. A system of my own. So, I have prioritized my health and well-being, to grow right along with the business. I believe that by building my own brand, I can reach beyond my tenants and colleagues, to touch the hearts of other business owners and entrepreneurs. Especially those of my own generation. Because getting older doesn’t have to mean sitting in a chair on your porch, watching the world go by. Aging is not what it once was. I’m sixty-three years old, and I have no plans to slow down anytime soon. Michael Gerber, now eighty-seven himself, often gets asked if he’s going to retire. His answer is always no. Why would he? If he’s taught us anything, it’s that when you’re building something great, living your dream, and aligned with a mission larger than yourself, there is no need to stop. If you’re lit up with what you’re doing, all you want to do is keep it going. As I get older, my mission comes into even sharper focus. I’m here to build bridges for aspiring entrepreneurs. I’m here to encourage and to coach and create opportunities. But more than anything, I’m here to love. To find grace and compassion and forgiveness wherever it lives. So many of us look to our differences instead of what we have in common. Creating Mimosa Salon Suites has shown me how alike we all really are, and though I may not have known it at the time, it was love that motivated the creation of Mimosa Salon Suites from the very beginning, and love that will keep it going, growing, and innovating. Once you find that—the love that powers your goals—then you know you’re on the right path. Read more inspirational stories from 11 other entrepreneurs! Buy the Best Selling book E-Myth Evolution on Amazon.com today! Thanks for reading.
By douglas hauptman September 10, 2023
Turn Our Greif into Action Never forget 9/11. Never let the children forget. Whatever you think, if it was the enemy from within or the evil from outside, thousands died. But even as we remember the victims and honor the heroes of that terrible day, we should always remain constant with love and love defends those who need protection. Follow Your Heart Today, the world needs the protection that only comes from love. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemy and pray for him that he might turn from his evil ways but in all things fight. Fight for what you know in your heart is right. Fight for freedom. Fight to protect the children from the sickness and confusion that will cause their harm. Know What Your Are Fighting For Fight for your right to live free and protect your family. At the end of your life, don't have this regret, that you did nothing to stop the evils of Communism & Marxism, that's all there is to it. For the Love of God, Family & Country! Fight! Fight! Fight!
By Douglas Hauptmann and Sumiko Chadwell June 11, 2023
We Are God’s Children Children are born innocent and unconditionally lovable. No matter what choices or actions a child displays, we are to love them without harsh judgement. As we turn into adults, we become accountable for our actions and our behavior directly effects how others perceive us. This leads to contrast throughout mankind and we begin to develop friends versus enemies. However, deeming people unlovable and deciphering to have enemies has absolutely no benefit to your life. The best way to remember that hate has no place in our hearts, is to turn to God. All adults are forever God’s children. God has unconditional love for all and studying his word can greatly encourage forgiveness and acceptance of others into your daily life. Let’s reflect. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 Although we sinned, Christ still died for us. This action alone should help us understand that enemies do not exist outside our own perception and judgement. All are worthy of love and all are lovable. Loving those who are difficult to love, is extending our love received from Christ. It Feels Good to Love Take a moment and reflect on a scenario when you said something terrible or acted in a way that you later regretted. Now think about how those around you offered forgiveness and how that forgiveness felt. It’s likely that you felt relieved and changed how you handled similar situations in the future. Forgiveness is a form of love. Forgiving someone can feel equally liberating as being forgiven. When you hold a grudge, it doesn’t feel good and invites anxiety and anger into your life. While you may think that this grudge is teaching the person at hand a lesson, it is not. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Holding anger for someone is giving them control over your feelings and, in some scenarios, your life. When you release the hate, you can begin to think and act with your heart instead of your ego. The picture may become clearer as you start to perceive situations with compassion and forgiveness becomes effortless. “ You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” – Matthew 5:38-4 2 By forgiving and welcoming in only words and actions of love, you gain back that control. If someone treats us badly, we are allowed to feel hurt, but it is never a reason to hurt them back. The cliché saying , “two wrongs don’t make a right” holds true in this case. When we love others unconditionally, we become proof of God’s word, as we become the vessel for the extension of this love. Love From a Distance “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” – Luke 6:27-28 Loving others does not always mean we need to be physically present in that person’s life. Even at a distance, we can still project love! Praying is a great way to love others who we may not be ready to physically be around. Many people act in harmful ways because they are hurt deep inside. Anger is a secondary emotion to sadness. Someone who treats others badly was likely treated badly themselves, hence where they learned such behavior. Pray for their healing, happiness, and forgiveness. We can also practice speaking positively about those we dislike. Gossip is the language of the ego, and doing so brings nothing but negativity into our lives. Gossip is passing judgment without allowing the other person to defend themselves. It only feeds our ego into believing our reaction to the situation was justified. This does not solve anything and can make us look untrustworthy to those we are gossiping to. We should speak kindly of our enemies and stay present. All Are Lovable In conclusion, all living creatures are lovable and a creation of God. The ability to love is the primary evidence of Christ living through us. We are all prone to making mistakes and likewise, we can all make changes. This is what growth looks like and we must be loved in order to have an inspiration and desire for such growth. Next time you are feeling like a person in your life is unlovable, turn to God. Pray for them as he does for us and wish abundance and happiness for all. By doing this, we can feel less angry and use our energy into creating good.
By Douglas Hauptmann and Sumiko Chadwell June 5, 2023
What is Compassion? Compassion is a term we often use but it’s meaning can get lost in translation, as there are several other similar terms. It’s important to understand the meaning of compassion so that we can fully grasp its significance and embrace it in our everyday lives. Meriam-Webster defines compassion as: “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” Oxford Languages defines compassion as: “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortune of others.” Notice how the word sympathy is used in both definitions. Sympathy is our ability to feel someone else's pain and offer care or support. This is much different that empathy, which is simply understanding another person’s suffering. From a scientific standpoint, many people argue that empathy is a more beneficial way to help others because it does not bridge the feeling between two people but rather allows one to help the other. However, sympathy is a natural reaction that humans experience between each other. Empathy takes a sense of control over your own emotions and the ability to separate them from the person needing support. Sympathy is an automatic response that stems from your own experiences and perspectives. In a way, expressing sympathy forces you to sacrifice a bit of your own energy to deeply understand and relate to another person's suffrage versus simply recognizing that suffrage is existing within them. When Do We Experience Compassion? When do we see people expressing compassion? Compassion is often demonstrated at times of suffering or pain. These situations could be as small as witnessing an elderly lady tripping at the store while carrying groceries or as significant as attending a funeral for a friend’s passed loved one. Compassion is what sets us apart from other animals in nature. It’s an immediate sacrifice to feel temporary discomfort in order to relate to another human. You may feel compassion for the lady tripping with the groceries because you had an aunt who had a deadly fall in the past, so you drop what you are doing to help, even if it delays your route or schedule at the moment. Likewise, when we attend a funeral, we most likely plan on having empathy for the loved ones suffering by being present, however, we are likely to be overrun with compassion and sympathy as memories of our own lost loved ones begin to surface in those moments. When compassion arises, we see people hugging, hands on shoulders, and eye contact with strong emotional reactions. This is the significance of human nature. Our experiences and perspectives intertwine by way of compassion and understanding like one big web of stories and endings and beginnings. Lack of Compassion Creates Division When it comes to a compassionate society here in America, we have been falling short for three decades now. We’ve seen movements in support of abortions, selective racism, and violent solutions to conflict. In 2020, we saw much of this playout when the race wars began and groups such as BLM rioted through large cities. Cities were burned to the ground, businesses were destroyed beyond repair, and frantic, scared, citizens were taking cover from it all. At the same time, we experienced a COVID19 pandemic where we witnessed America dividing based on personal medical choices. The unvaccinated were alienated as deserving to die and being irresponsible, yet the vaccine was still experimental and many questions were still unanswered about its efficacy. The division was backed up by legalities in the form of mandates. People disconnected from jobs, hobbies, friends, and family. Medical freedom was at stake and people did not care so long as it was in support of their own medical beliefs. Then came the LGBT movement of 2021. In the past, America has become very accepting and open to the LGBT community, but in this particular year the support went from equal to manipulatively intentional. We saw children being invited to inappropriate pride parades with nude adults, sex education curriculum creeping down to our 5 and 6 year old kids, and laws attempting to legalize underage sex changes. Parents all across America became scared of losing their parental rights. Reflecting back on the race wars, pandemic, and LGBT push, many might ask how society became so violent, compassionless, and unforgiving about life. The answer to this question lies in the timeline of those involved and how America has transformed over that time span. The majority of the LGBT community, BLM rioters, and mandate advocates are in fact millennials. Millennials Age 24-35 Globalists such as Soros and other like-minded powerful people in both America and the CPC, have been following out their plan of dumbing down Americans since the early 90s. This is also a time period when millennials were attending public school. The public school system began slowly and progressively indoctrinating our children to believe in and admire socialism traits. They were taught to believe in climate change and embrace the large corporations fighting against it. They were also convinced that being educated was only tied to a college education, where the indoctrination only continued further. Perhaps the most significant trait they adopted was accepting mental illness as curable by pharmaceuticals, that our biological sex is changeable, and abortion does not include true life form. Flash forward to today, and millennials make up much of our administrative activists, educators, and healthcare workers. People in these professions were one of the leading factors in the wave of compassionless conflicts America experienced over the last few years. They supported and advocated for corrupt movements and socialist agendas. They marched, rioted, and infiltrated our schools and medical systems. The educators liberal and woke perspectives spilled out into the classrooms and some schools even adopted the liberal agenda all together. While this tie contributed to the spread of liberal and woke movements, it also allowed transparency to parents all over America. This is what caused a pushback and could arguably have saved our country from a full-blown socialism takeover. Since 2019, there have been nearly 4 million children leaving the public school system. Parents are resorting to homeschooling which is direct evidence of the lack of acceptance amongst parents when it comes to education. It’s one problem to have these agendas pushed on adults, but to push them onto free and innocent minds of our children stirred up the momentum we needed to keep it at bay. However, the fight is not over. Millennials in America continue to be compassionless to the heart of America which is freedom and liberty. Like robots, they have been brainwashed to go along with the mainstream media and to believe they are social justice warriors in doing so. Although we made it through these last few years of chaos, the deep state and other threatening organizations such as the CPC, will continue to attempt to cage America into their control as we go into the future. It’s important that we expose the millennials for their compassionless behavior and hold them accountable for what America had to endure. The hope has lied within the older boomer generations and the new generation of children. Boomers support for freedom in our country stems from their upbringing around war and propaganda. The new generation of children comes in with fresh and clear minds. We need to talk about the indoctrination and corrupt agendas to our children and work together to keep fighting for the future of this country. Politics All of these conflicts have also been heightened by politics. While politics are vital to a democracy and successful system among society, they can also take away from our human-to-human understandings. Just like we saw with wars, political beliefs often stem from one’s personal experiences in life and the morals they learned from birth on. This notion reminds me of two soldiers mirroring one another on a battlefield against each other. Each is defending what they believe is right. Politics can largely be an ongoing deciphering of what we believe to be right and wrong. Here in America, no matter which party you identify with, we should all agree on a country based around freedom and liberty. While we vote on laws, we should always preserve freedom over our speech, body, and religion promised in our constitution. Millennials seemed to have forgotten this promise as they divided themselves based on their personal beliefs and put our freedoms at risk of control. Most identify as Democrats or Liberals because the Democratic Party survives off of its followers into socialism, disguising agendas as justice and empowerment. Both factors are eye candy to the millennial looking for direction with a lack of discernment from decades of indoctrination to not think for themselves. Identify as Human What caused the division was not our skin color, gender, or vaccine status. The division was caused by lack of compassion for one another. Skin color decided how worthy our suffering was. Gender choices decided how worthy our suffering was. Vaccination status decided how worthy our suffering was. This mindset divided us as humans, as Americans. A dark skinned and fair skinned person can suffer equally and both deserve love and support, as do a gay or straight person or a vaccinated or unvaccinated person. Liberal millennials instead tried to push their divisive beliefs on the masses and if one did not comply, you were outed as a racist or right leaning bigot. However, the Republicans and right leaning Americans were simply fighting for freedom for all. This is the foundation of America and what should be preserved at all costs. These movements and pandemics were all attempts by the left to control the masses and put freedom in jeopardy, and the liberals lead the way. Community in America Compassion is what will hold a community together. When we live in a free and liberated country, compassion tends to thrive even more and becomes a necessity. We are free to live life with our own political and religious beliefs and rights over our bodies. America is a country developed off of differences. It is what makes us the land of the free, home of the brave. As we reflect on the last few years of chaos and havoc, remember that your neighbor is worthy of compassion just as you are, no matter their skin color, gender, religion or political beliefs. At the end of the day, we are all human and forgetting compassion turns us back into animals, dividing into groups and becoming territorial while ignoring the simple fact that we are one. Compassion will keep us unified as caring individuals striving for a connected and diverse community. Remember that our country keeps us free only as long as our hearts remain free too. Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Peter 3:8
By sumiko chadwell & doug hauptman June 1, 2023
My Multicultural Start to Life I was raised in Oakland, California in the late 60’s and early 70’s and it is safe to say I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Yes, I experienced significant challenges in my youth, but I also gained knowledge that later proved to guide me straight to success. I learned about multicultural dynamics and how important having an open mind really is. I was brought up around children from all different ethnic backgrounds and walks of life. We didn’t pay attention to racial differences like people do today. We were all one. I can remember this nighttime show on KSAN that featured guests, many of which were professors at UC Berkeley and Stanford University, who had Islam, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, and many other, perspectives. The area I lived in and attended school at, literally 5 miles from UC Berkeley, was at the time the epicenter of enlightened thought and philosophy. Looking back now, I feel fortunate to have learned the Universal Truth from so many brilliant people. Most of the people my parents hung out with, and my teachers and coaches, were all significantly influenced by this cultural phenomenon. Today, I believe I have a uniquely authentic and truthful perspective on life compared to people in the generations that followed as well as others from other regions at that time. My generation was solidified with hard work, not hand-outs, and many of us carried this ethic with us into adulthood. We didn’t have a sense of entitlement like in today’s generation. The need for a servant minded society is more important today than the fake issues such as climate, racism, wars, etc., because without a servant’s heart we will fail to live in freedom and experience the blessings of wealth and good health. Finding Meaning Through God As a teenager, I was homeless at one point and on my own in the world, but I still had the mindset of success stemming from the economic courses I took in school. The expectation set on us kids in those times were if you work hard and try your best with a good heart and great intentions you could accomplish most anything. The courses I took in school back then and the ideologies that were once considered awe inspiring, unfortunately, aren’t part of curriculum in today’s education and definitely not part of the social and educational indoctrination that is going on today. Most 20 year old people draw a blank at the term laissez faire economics. At the time I was just getting started in my career, in the late 70’s and early 80’s, it was more common for young adults to find early success and start building a life than it is today, and I did just that. However, it wasn’t until later that I came to a crossroads with the meaning of life. It was in 1987 as I was cruising down the 405 in my Vette, high on cocaine, when my life flashed before my eyes and I received my sign from God. From that day on, I became a servant to others, following God’s path in whatever I accomplished. I found meaning. My Christian faith went hand in hand with my experience in economics and I began to see true reward from God. I lived the American dream, owning multiple successful businesses and creating a beautiful home for my family. Today I am deeply grateful for the people and things that gave me many key lessons in life and I want to share my them along with my Christian values and beliefs with today's generation because our country has veered away from success and individual independence due to the constant backlash from socialist agendas infiltrating our government. It is my duty and my honor to help give to our youth the meaning and understanding of success and hard work to protect their future freedom. With the word of God, anything is made possible so long as your serve a purpose to life here on earth. In this piece I will review several Christian idioms that build a foundation under success and explain how the socialist agenda threatens to eliminate religion and independence. What Happened to Economics? In my 8th Grade Economics class, Laissez Faire Economics was a mandatory principle which sadly is not part of today’s public-school curriculum. Yet laissez faire economics still holds great significance for the success of our nation. Laissez Faire Economics was not an odd term that you would quickly Google for a definition. It was discussed at dinner, promoted in school, and inspirational quotes were seen regularly in the community. Most of us I suspect just assumed that our kids were being taught the same stuff as we were. Wrong! Success in business and trade with little to no government control nor intervention was encouraged. While at the same time it was instilled in us that welfare takes away basic human rights by encouraging people to be lazy and not take pride in working. Welfare was a condition that was not encouraged and people both agreed and understood that money could simply not be endlessly printed because inflation would take over the American dream. We wanted to work. We wanted success and independence. But alas, vast sums of China (CPC) money influenced the corrupt and propaganda peddling American Teachers Association (and all that ilk) were busy brainwashing our kids right under our noses. The sick part is the money comes from us buying China stuff on Amazon! So we are now almost hopelessly ruined as a country because many are so brainwashed that they actually hate this country when the actual data, just pure objective data, overwhelmingly makes the case that we, the United states of America, are the best country on earth today and the best country there ever has been in the history of man. Perfect, no. Best ever, yes. To be hated? Really? Dumb asses... I highly suggest reading Shelby Steele, a prominent black conservative who suggests that welfare is literally an extension of the slave plantation and is the worst form of racism because it strips away the dignity of work. See: White Guilt: How Blacks and Whites Together Destroyed the Promise of the Civil Rights Era Paperback - May 29, 2007. Get your copy here: https://www.amazon.com/White-Guilt-Together-Destroyed-Promise/dp/0060578637 We must all overcome the tendency, as compassionate human beings, to take our past mistakes so hard that we harm our selves. Let us learn from our mistakes, and vow to never repeat them, and make the best use of the lessons learned to sing the song of brotherhood, fidelity and freedom! We need each other more than ever now. Black, white, red, yellow and brown, (forgive if I left any out) we are all humans and we can thrive best by simply loving each other. Just love each other. There’s No Such Thing as Free Lunch The above American idiom is from the book, There’s No Such Thing as a Free Lunch by Milton Freidman. This book was a staple during my generation and teaches everything one needs to know about economics. The author was widely accepted as one of the best economists of all time. “Money won't create success, the freedom to make it will” (Freidman). So where can we find this book today? On Amazon there are limited copies and asking price is over $3k! However, you will see an abundance of books available with socialist titles such as There’s No Such Thing as a free Lunch, or is There . This isn't shocking coming from a multi-billion-dollar corporation that has been going along with the socialist agenda to gain control over the masses and keep a monopoly over them. The corporate globalists are working overtime to erase history and belief systems by controlling the books we read, the news we get, and the content we see online. What is even more disturbing is the content they push on us. It’s easier to find a book on Bestiality than Laissez Faire Economics which makes a significant statement about the current condition of our society. Another important work is another book authored by Freidman named Capitalism and Freedom. In this book, he explains the role of capitalism in liberal society. He sold over four hundred thousand hard copies and millions of paperback copies since its publication and the book was translated into eighteen different languages. Topics covered include the roles of government in a free society, education, trade arrangements, capitalism, and social responsibility. Freidman's political beliefs have contributed to the development of new parties such as the Libertarians. The younger generation has neglected the importance of individual freedom and books such as these are important to keep relevant as the left tries to manipulate the free mind into a controlled one. This is a must read to learn how a truly free society should do business. Get your copy here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51877.Capitalism_and_Freedom What Is Reward and Sacrifice? While economics and political understanding is vital to the success and freedom of our children, it will serve no significance without a strong belief system. It’s not only lack of understanding for individual freedom but also the lack of meaning in life and purpose that drains away the desire and quest for exploration, discovery, commerce, and success. This a a really bad, life threatening cancer that is eating away at our society today. The saying, reward comes with sacrifice, has been manipulated over time and unless it comes straight from the Bible, it’s likely blasphemy disguised as some form of socialist agenda. This notion is best exemplified from the way Christ was the ultimate servant, paying the ultimate sacrifice when He gave himself to us when He died on the cross even though He knew we were really bad sinners. As Christians, we should want to follow Jesus's example and serve others by sacrificing without seeking any reward or the reward will cease to come. Teens and young adults have essentially forgotten the importance of sacrifice and replaced it with entitlement, the ultimate self-serving ideology. This is rapidly becoming the new religion of today. If this continues, the current younger generation will see no reward and sadly become dependent on the ill intentions of the government. A self-serving government and a self-serving society will doom the common person to live in misery and slavery. However, if we sacrifice with pure intentions and faith in God, many rewards will inevitably come back to us. In Luke 18 we are reminded of the rewards we will receive for being faithful. • God Rewards the Elect with Justice (18:1-8) • God Rewards the Sinner with Mercy (18:9-14) • God Rewards the Humble with His Kingdom (18:15-17) • God Rewards the Self-Denying with Eternal Life (18:18-30) • God Rewards the Blind with Sight (18:31-43) From my youth and up to about ten years ago, most Christian churches in America would preach sermons at least 2 or 3 times a year centered around sacrifice and reward. We were taught that true blessings only come when we choose to put ourselves out into the world as servants. It is really true, God will always reward the faithful! Today, this notion has become distorted by evil agendas or eliminated altogether. Yet, as servants of God, it’s our duty to keep these key teachings alive and teach them to whoever we can. People who believe they are entitled often do not make any personal sacrifices and therefore any reward given will come from ill intentions and therefore not be genuine in its nature. Hardships and ruinous tribulations must surely follow them all ther days. Unless they repent and turn to Jesus! My advice is to give all you can, as often as you can, and do it so that nobody knows it was you who did it. Give With a Pure Heart After one understands the dynamic of reward and sacrifice, we must reflect on our intentions behind our sacrifice. We will receive exactly what we put out. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.” Colossians 3:23-25 We must give with a pure heart, and we must give without the expectation of receiving anything in return. Likewise, we must always treat others the way we would like to be treated, giving in the same way we want to receive. This was taught to me by my Grandmother Louise, and she called it “The Golden Rule”. For example, donating to someone solely to get the label as a good person will not reward us in the same way that donating in secrecy will. Jesus said that a person who gives quietly in their closet will receive the best reward that only God can give. These gifts include supernatural abilities such as things happening in your favor. This is what we Christians commonly call “Gods favor”. Sadly, millennials are abandoning this philosophy and trading it for only working if promised something in return. The socialist leaders disguise certain rewards as promises for virtue but really, they are for self-gain as well. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23 This socialist ideology only results in more power grabs and a never-ending cycle of negative intentions which secretly strip us of individual freedom and beliefs. In a sense, our youth are making a deal with the devil instead of trusting faith in God and his abilities that reach beyond any materialistic values. Atheists are becoming ever so popular in the new generation, but we can correlate the religious shift with increased suicide and mental health problems and decline in physical health. These consequences align with the socialist agenda to destroy faith and use the government power to rule over all of society. They have the confidence and determination to succeed at this but with our faith in God and positive energy into being a service to others, we will always overcome this agenda. Right now, is a pivotal time for us to lead unto others and God has led unto us. We can’t continue to claim to be Christians while refusing to spread the word of God to those around us. We cannot lead society out of this dark hole and into the light unless we commit ourselves to show them the way. Our intentions as Christians are for the success of our country, really the entire world, not just for ourselves, and this is what will save America, and the world, before it’s too late. Millennials Have Abandoned Meaning and Purpose “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Matthew 6:1-34 In a society with growing pressure for acceptance and recognition, and an unsatiable need for validation, we find this demand negatively affecting our sense of purpose and meaning. Social platforms are an everyday part of most young people’s lives and they’ve targeted their focus on approval from others. This consequently leads our youth away from serving others and instead serving themselves. It’s also distorted the essence of giving and community service. People are only being a service to others to get the satisfaction of approval from others. Likewise, they are being influenced to live life without a healthy belief system and thus having difficulty finding meaning in purpose for their existence. The socialist agenda wipes them of their beliefs and disguises itself as virtuous as it pushes them for government dependence as temporary reparations and rewards. These handouts feel good in the moment, but true reward will never come, and this cycle will continue to repeat itself until the soul is washed of all meaning. The real pandemic is suicide, the ultimate consequence to loneliness. Karma, the Universal Notion So far, we have covered the works of the Bible and the lacking belief system among our youth, but what will the result be to these self-serving agendas on both an individual and national scale? Karma. Karma is a notion that is practically universal among all religions and philosophy. In today’s society, the word karma has been dumbed down to simple, “do bad things and bad things will happen to you”, but its meaning is more significant that this cliché saying, and many economists have based their theories off of it. Christianity: The bible preaches that the ill intentions we partake in are sin and the effect of sin will return to us. One verse that reflects this notion is Matthew 7:12, “ So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets ”. This of course also means that the good we do will be returned to us, a hundred fold! Matthew 13:8, 23 and Luke 8:8 is Jesus’ parable of the sower. It is about gospel workers who go forth and sow seeds of gospel truth (not money) in order to harvest souls (not money) for the kingdom of God. The context is NOT about money! In 13:10 the disciples asked Jesus why he taught in parables. Referring to knowledge of the “ mysteries of heaven ” in 13:11, Jesus says in 13:12 that those who are given knowledge from God will be given even “more abundance” --of knowledge, not money! Again this is referring to knowledge and not money. When I pray, I thank Jesus for the blessings He has bestowed upon us and I ask Him for supernatural power to be healthy, wealthy, and wise in His ways. Some might be critical of the wealthy part; all I know is that MY God is a God of plenty! Quran : In verse 7 of chapter 99 in the Holy Quran, it states, “S o whoever does a good deed equal to the weight of the minutest particle, will see it” . Chapter 8 states, “ And whoever does an evil deed equal to the weight of the minutest particle, will see it .” They believe that karma means all actions result in a reaction, whether positive or negative. The Quran is the ancient scripture of Islam. Greek Mythology: The name Nemesis is related to the Greek word “ nemein ” which means to give what is due. “Nem” means to distribute. The goddess Nemesis decides retribution for those who are arrogant to the Gods. Buddhism: Karma is a fundamental principle in Buddhist philosophy. It is centered around present and future life and rebirth. In simple terms, it states that evil actions in this life will result in a rebirth into a negative environment where as good actions, such as selflessness and giving, will result in rebirth into a positive environment. Understanding karma is important for obtaining greater happiness through good deeds. Karma was established back in what I like to call the beginning of the beginning and today’s youth should be researching its development from scholars and readings, not TikTok and Instagram graphics. Why is karma so important to understand in depth? Simply because an individual creates their own. Freedom Must Be Maintained Now that we’ve covered purpose, good intentions, karma, and being a service to others, I will discuss why these factors are significant to freedom. Freedom is necessary for us as a society to be able to have the right to practice religion and therefore be a service to each other thus making a strong community. Without the freedom to think for ourselves we lose our ability to reach independence and success. We will end up a society dependent on the government and it will start with the decline free trade and end with controlled minds and actions. Not only does this take from our personal purpose and meaning, it also sets our country up for negative consequences from the karma of bad intentions and evil agendas. America is the first and only country to reach freedom and create a government out of its own people, for the people, and by the people. Our great Constitution promises these rights and hundreds of thousands of people have died sacrificing their lives for us to have them today. In return, we must sacrifice to protect this privilege. The socialists will relentlessly and confidently try to pervert the Constitution with their desire for power and to control us, but the laws within it will forever be on the side of We The People. We defeated fascism in World War 2 and communism in the Cold War. We have defeated the socialist attempts to dictate by utilizing the laws promised in the Constitution. We need to continue to fight for our freedom because it must be maintained, and we the people have all the tools to do this. We need to teach our youth about their rights and the importance of capitalism and economics. We need to bring purpose back to average American by way of Christ and create good karma within our society and country. Ronald Reagan once said: "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free”. Freedom is not free, and sacrifice is in high demand for the better of America. The Constitution gives us ALL the power, but we do not exercise this power, because we either don’t know we can or we don’t care enough. Whether by apathy or ignorance, we owe it to our forefathers, our descendants, and ourselves to stop being either and get in the game! National efforts are weak against entrenched Wokites. But the constitution has given us a way to peel back the power at the Federal level and bring it back to the states and counties where it belongs! Article V of the Constitution gives States the power to hold a convention to do just this! But of course Federal Senators are a waste of time, as moving them requires activity on a macro scale and taking away their fist hold over our freedoms and takes away their power and corrupted money flow. So what you must do are two very important things. ONE, you must learn your rights! Go to www.patriotacademy.com and sign up! TWO, you must join the Article V campaign at www.cosaction.com! Don’t just sit back and let these people steal it all away! It does not have to be that way! Get involved now! Do your part today!
By douglas hauptman May 27, 2023
If you live long enough you will inevitably be late to an important date, or even worse, miss it entirely. We often forget about appointments and meetings because we are already stressed out about other priorities. If we further go on to miss a date, the anxiety can become unbearable for some. The worst thing you can do is let one mistake take away your entire opportunity or job. Instead of saying “sorry” and nervously pretending as if it did not happen, take responsibility. Most importantly, do not walk away and never look back. Instead, find the root cause of your untimeliness and make goals to improve this characteristic about yourself. With the help of an example scenario, I will walk you through the dynamics of time management and help you figure out why your own has fallen short. SCENARIO: A well-established contractor is late to meet potential customers and completely missed his appointment with subcontractors waiting to start on another job. As a result, the potential customers decide to go with another bid and the subcontractors he neglected no show the next day. 1. Actions speak louder than words. Take accountability. The contractor needs to communicate his respect and gratitude for the customer and subcontractor’s time. He should also respond with a meaningful and vulnerable apology. Perhaps the most important factor in time management is respect for other people’s time. Being late or missing appointments can significantly impact how others view us because if you cannot keep your word, people stop depending on you. This is a tough issue to rehabilitate unless you are willing to be vulnerable and take accountability. If you fail to do this, people will begin to treat you as inferior and your future opportunities can be halted. When you accidentally forget about someone, they might respond by intentionally forgetting about you. We often don’t value others time until we need it and this selfish dynamic can put a wrench in interpersonal communications and prevent growth within a business or person. Whether you’re a boss or an employee, respecting each other’s time is crucial for both of your wheels to keep turning. If you miss a date or show up late, you’ve wasted someone else’s time and an adequate apology is in store. Be direct in taking accountability and assure that it will not happen again. Even if it was partly their fault, take it on the nose and move forward. Disrespect will take you to a dead end and time management is the foundation of respect between two people. If you want to establish your limits for time then be transparent about your schedule. Make your schedule available to others to help express how valuable your own time is and encourage them to share their own schedule with you in return. Being open about schedules can cut out the trial and error stage and set the ground for people to have mutual understandings of other’s lives. 2. Why are you lacking time management skills? What was the contractor preoccupied with? Was his schedule over packed or did he forget because he simply did not care? The contractor needs to reevaluate his mission and goals within his business and find out why motivation and self-discipline are lacking. If his schedule is overwhelming, then it’s time to re-prioritize commitments. We have to want to be on time and show up. We have a lot of expectations on us that we need to acknowledge but in the end, we will only do what feels good. This is human nature. If we are not aligned with the mission of our business or job, then we might lack time management simply because we are not determined to focus on it. In all the businesses I have managed, I found that people who were not determined in their position were the same ones failing to commit to time. In other words, they did not have the passion for what was expected of them. It’s important to dig deep and find the root cause of our lacking motivation. Even with all the best tools and coaching, if our heart isn’t in it then they are useless. We must be excited and have a vision of exactly what we want to accomplish. If you feel your schedule is overwhelming, think about whether it’s overbooking or your lack of excitement for the tasks at hand. Prioritize what needs to be done and accept that it won’t always be fun but might be necessary to reach your goal. Keeping your end goal in mind will give you the motivation to get over the hurdles that are not so enjoyable. If we do not have an end goal then where will the determination stem from? I highly suggest reading my blog “ Working For Your Life Purpose ” to help define what your mission is and make sure you are aligned with this mission in everything you do. Link: https://www.doughauptman.com/working-for-your-life-purpose 3. What resources are available to you? The contractor should reflect on how he manages time. Does he make mental notes or physically write appointments down? Does he lose his notes often? Is it time to make digital notes? Or is his own self-discipline to stay focused what’s lacking? He must determine if his time management skills are working and take initiative if they are not. As technology advances, we run out of reasons for not being punctual. In addition to phones and alarm clocks we now have apps, smart watches, and even AI products to help keep us on track. Business owners in particular should keep up with these tools and avoid becoming an outlier. Make it easy for people to understand and work with your schedule so mutual respect can develop. Apps are a great tool for time management because they cannot be lost and offer many different options for notifications such as emails, texts, and even phone calls. The most popular scheduling apps are Calendly, Appointlet, Zoho, Google, Trello, and Basecamp. Personally, I enjoy using Google Calendar and Basecamp because they are easy to use and readily available. You can also utilize a life coach, such as myself, for improving your punctuality. Time management is something every life coach is seasoned in and they can serve as a third party help you learn about scheduling and organizing commitments. They can also help you identify your flaws and improve your dependability with others. However, whether you have a life coach or every scheduling app available, your self-discipline will still be the most important factor. You must fully commit to your goals and no one can force you to do that but your own determination. The benefit of a life coach is that I can help you both identity your mission and manage your time accordingly. 4. How does this undependable behavior impact your business? The contractor needs to understand how these mishaps are harming his business. His reputation can be damaged if he does not make the situation right which will lead to less jobs and scarce contracts with subcontractors to complete them. Missing appointments and failing to show up will destroy our business or career before it ever begins. Businesses hire managers specifically to organize dates and times with the objective being leadership. Without them, a company would not run smoothly. This same dynamic can be applied to your own life and career. Without mutual respect for others and their time, we will not have positive relationships which are a staple of consumerism, business, and personal success. Additionally, if people lack respect for us then our growth is at a standstill. Take the initiative to get control over your time management and set your business or career up for optimum success with its mission. You’ll be glad you did!
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